


Then, Now, Not Yet

by imadra_blue



Category: Crisis Core: Final Fantasy VII
Genre: Almost Romance, Approaching Tragedy, Canon - Video Game, Character Study, Confused Relationships, Drama, First Kiss, M/M, Mid-Canon, One Shot, POV Third Person Limited, Time Skips
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-21
Updated: 2014-05-21
Packaged: 2018-01-26 00:01:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,721
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1667300
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imadra_blue/pseuds/imadra_blue
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>As Zack walks toward his inevitable end, he reflects on Cloud, contrasting present with past.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Then, Now, Not Yet

**Author's Note:**

  * For [roseargent](https://archiveofourown.org/users/roseargent/gifts).



> Story Notes: Shifts time from the end of Crisis Core to during the game.
> 
> Beta Reader: Thanks to AwayLaughing for the super fast help!
> 
> Note to Rose Argent: I almost wrote you a Yaag Rosch FF13 fic, but I couldn't come up with anything better than him growing angry at a noisy air conditioning and getting stuck on a broken elevator with Jihl after his PSICOM Academy graduation ceremony. So I wrote you this instead.
> 
> Prompt from Rose Argent:  
>  _Request 1_  
>  _Fandom(s): Crisis Core: Final Fantasy VII_  
>  _Request:_  
>  _Zack & Cloud. I would be thrilled with either slash or friendship gen. I realise this is probably one of the most written-about pairings ever, but I actually never really liked Cloud much until this game so I've never sought Cloud-centric fic out before. I'd really like to see more of Cloud being *Cloud*, the person he was before the Mako poisoning and trauma messed up his memory and left him trying to be Zack. And of course, more Zack is always better. Always. I love their smalltown-boys bond, and how eager Zack seems to be to be friends, right from the start. I would be equally pleased with highlighting their moments of happiness, or with the heart-breaking woe that is their ending._

...

"Hey, how're you doing?" Zack asked, as he adjusted Cloud's shoulder straps. His outfit looked just like Zack's, like Angeal's, now. It didn't suit him; it was far too dark for him. Only Cloud's golden hair and bright make blue eyes offered any color, but even those had their limits. Though they glowed, Cloud's eyes seemed dimmer than they ever had been before. It was as if a light somewhere deep inside had been snuffed out. 

Zack waited for an answer, but Cloud only stared at Zack vacantly, blinking ever so slowly. It was just as well. Zack was certain if Cloud could answer, it wouldn't be anything that Zack really wanted to hear.

"There's nothing to worry about, Cloud," Zack told him, rubbing his arms. He felt rock solid biceps under his fingers—muscles that had never been so firm before. "You're going to be fine."

Cloud blinked once, for no.

…

"When I return, I won't be able to talk, but I'll let you know if I'm being followed." Zack studied Cloud. Once Cloud nodded, ever so slowly, his attention temporarily diverted from the bloody corpse five feet away, Zack continued. "I'll blink twice for yes and once for no."

Cloud nodded again, then turned to stare at the man he had just shot again. The man had been the shopkeeper in charge of the building they hid in. He hadn't given them much choice once he'd opened fire. If Cloud hadn't shot him, Cloud might be the one lying on the ground, bleeding out, instead. Of course, Cloud hadn't needed to shoot him quite that many times, but Zack wasn't going to point that out. Cloud's hands still trembled.

Zack sighed. Cloud was no killer. It was clear he wasn't meant for this sort of job, and yet Cloud seemed determined to do it, nonetheless. Zack only hoped Cloud would make it out of his ShinRa career in one piece. "Just wait here, okay? If anyone comes, open fire. Make sure you're under cover."

Cloud didn't respond, so Zack put a hand on his shoulder. Once Cloud looked up at him, his face pale and his blue eyes still wide, Zack rubbed his shoulder. It felt bony beneath Zack's fingers. "Okay?" Zack asked, smiling.

After a moment, Cloud smiled back and blinked twice, for yes.

…

Cloud's hands rested in his lap, as was his habit, head tilted down in what Zack hoped was deep thought. The wind ruffled Cloud's spiky hair. The truck hit a bump in the road, bouncing Zack and Cloud a bit. Dust flew up, but only Zack coughed. Cloud continued to stare at his knees, his hands bumping side to side as the old truck continued its arduous way down the road.

"Are you hungry, buddy?" Zack asked, hopefully. Cloud's head bounced after the truck hit another bump, and Zack pretended it was in response. "Me, too. Remember that great barbeque place in Midgar? I wish we there right now."

Cloud's head bounced again, and his hands rolled, as if folding napkins, over and over.

…

Zack continued to mow his way through his plate of Korean barbeque beef. He wasn't exactly sure what "Korean" meant—was it a style, was it a place, or was it just a word for delicious? Either way, the fragrant, sweet, salty beef was making him very happy. Unfortunately, he seemed to be the only one. Across from him, Cloud continued to fold, unfold, and refold his napkin. His own plate of meat had barely been touched.

"Aren't you hungry, buddy?" Zack asked.

Cloud looked up, blinking those impossibly bright blue eyes of his. It seemed unfair for a guy to have such pretty eyes. Then again, he had a pretty everything. He seemed too delicate to be a soldier. Zack couldn't fathom why Cloud chose this life. He should be modeling somewhere. Zack would buy whatever he sold.

"What's wrong?" Zack asked, setting his chopsticks down. Meat sauce dribbled down his chin, and he felt around for his napkin.

Cloud wordlessly handed him his own. "Nothing, really."

Zack sighed, unfolded the napkin, and wiped his mouth and chin. "Still thinking about that man you shot?"

Cloud shrugged and looked away. "Actually, I was thinking about home."

"About a girl?"

"About everything. My house. My mother. A girl…" Cloud flushed pink and looked away.

Zack set the napkin down. "You miss them?"

"Yeah."

"Me, too."

"You miss my mother?" Cloud blinked.

"I miss my mother, dummy." Zack ruffled Cloud's hair, marveling at how soft it felt. He decided he should touch Cloud's hair more often. "And my father. And my home. And a girl." He thought of Aerith, in her church, tending her flowerbed. She wasn't from his home, but she felt like it.

"Do you ever worry?" Cloud asked, smoothing his hair back into its proper spikiness.

"Worry about what?"

"About if they'll be proud of you."

"They're proud of me, Cloud." Zack set back into his meal. "And yours are proud of you, too. Don't you worry about that."

Cloud smiled a bit and took back his napkin. He folded it once more before picking up his chopsticks and finally finishing his dinner.

…

Carrying Cloud was hard work lately. He'd weighed almost nothing before, but now it felt like Zack was carrying a bodybuilder. Everything soft and delicate about him had become hard and sharp. Whatever they'd done to him in those tanks, Zack doubted it was for the better. They'd made Cloud into a weapon of some sort. That thought hurt more even than Cloud's silence. It wasn't like he'd been inclined to speak a lot even before. Zack didn't want Cloud to change, to be more like him. He wanted Cloud to stay just as he had been: quiet, shy, delicate, beautiful, untouched. But Cloud had lost that. He'd lost everything—even his home.

Zack continued to trudge across the dusty field, huffing a big sigh. The sun beat down on him, crisping his skin red. He wondered if Cloud's fair skin might burn, but when Zack checked him over, Cloud seemed fine. He was even immune to sunburn now. Zack envied him. His own skin stung and reddened, and he knew he would darken at least two shades before the sun set. The only person who stunk of sweat was him. Cloud wasn't even damp. It was as if Cloud had turned into a perfect version of himself, stripped of the small things that had made him human. Still, Zack continued to carry Cloud, Cloud's head resting on his shoulder

Whatever exact change Cloud had undergone, his breath still felt the same on Zack's ear, warm and a little thrilling. Zack smiled a little and closed his eyes. He tilted his head a bit so Cloud's lips would brush his ear. Cloud gave no reaction, his breathing the same as ever. Zack sighed again and continued to walk, grumbling about the heat.

…

"It's a bit cold, eh?" Zack asked.

Cloud glanced up at him, helmet in his hand. Snowflakes had stuck to his blond eyelashes, and his cheeks seemed pinker than ever. Zack grabbed his shoulders and laughed. "Hey, our mission was a success, and you didn't even have to fire a weapon once. Relax!"

"I didn't do much," Cloud said, looking down. A snowflake drifted down onto his pink cheek and melted. Zack had an insane urge to kiss that wet spot. Everything about Cloud gave Zack odd, random urges. Maybe even inappropriate urges. But he had to wonder how inappropriate it would truly be if he kissed the melted snowflake on Cloud's cheek.

"You did plenty. You were my back-up, and I felt better knowing you were there," Zack said, drawing Cloud closer, so they walked together. Cloud didn't object, his slim form tucking neatly into Zack's side. They fit together nicely, and it was much warmer that way.

"Thanks, Zack."

"For what?"

"For being my friend." They passed under a small footbridge. Gravel crunched beneath their feet. Cloud tilted his face up and smiled a bit, his generous lips parting ever so slightly. The shadows darkened his face, his eyes, but Zack could still see him clearly. He stopped walking and stared down at Cloud.

When they kissed, Cloud leaned into him, and Zack felt hot despite how underdressed he was for the winter weather. His pulse quickened, and he wrapped his arms around Cloud. Snow fell without sound, and when they parted, Cloud rested his chin on Zack's shoulder, his warm breath brushing past Zack's ear.

"Probably shouldn't have done that," Cloud murmured, and pulled away.

Zack remained under the bridge, watching Cloud walk away, shivering from the cold.

…

Zack set Cloud down and crouched in front of him to peer into his face. Cloud stared off into the distance, his mouth slightly parted. Zack noted Cloud's lips were dry and cracked. Zack gave Cloud more water from their dwindling supply. It didn't matter if he ran out. ShinRa was close now, and Zack didn't expect to live long enough to finish the bottle. Cloud drank slowly, clumsily. Water dribbled out of the corner of his mouth and down his chin. Zack wiped Cloud's mouth and tried to ignore the sting in his own eyes. Must be from all the dust in the air.

Cloud's gaze drifted over Zack without recognition. His eyes seemed lit by electricity, an electricity powered by mako, but they gave him no animation. They only offered another sign that Cloud was something more, something less, than he had been.

"You know, I always wished we'd talked about that kiss a while back. We never did." Zack put away the water bottle, so he wouldn't have to look at Cloud's slack face. "Probably because I'm a coward. I didn't want you to stop being my friend."

Zack picked Cloud back up, hefting him over his back. Cloud's arms dangled over his shoulders, and he could hear Cloud breathing softly in his left ear. It was a good sound, the same sound Cloud always made. "I want you to know you're always going to be my friend, Cloud. As long as I live." However long that was. Not much longer, Zack suspected.

Swallowing hard, he set off again, finding an odd peace in the way Cloud breathed.

_End._


End file.
